Birthdays, Doctor Visits, and Kids Driving — Oh My!

In this week's episode, Melanie and Allison celebrate Melanie's birthday which coincides with some doctor visits. As Melanie's birthday week kicks off, we emphasize the necessity of regularly scheduled medical visits and talk about our experiences with ultrasounds, mammograms, colonoscopies and more. Plus, we ponder the likelihood of our 7-year-olds driving to Target. To wrap things up, we chat about the incredible Sheriff Grady Judd and his no-nonsense approach in Polk County. Come join us for some laughs!

Show notes:

Prenuvo Website

Polk County Sheriff Facebook Page

Polk County Sheriff Website

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Transcript

Okay, so welcome to another episode of Midlife Moms Pod.

I'm Allison.

And I'm Melanie.

How was your week, Ben?

Oh, it's good.

Yeah?

I had a birthday yesterday.

Happy belated birthday, although I did say happy birthday to you.

I know, I saw that on the day.

And I posted on our at Midlife Moms Pod page.

Oh, that's right, I saw that.

That's cute.

Yeah, thank you.

You're welcome.

It was good.

Yeah.

I just hung out with my mom for the day, and then we just hung out last night at the house, because of course, it's a school night, so we didn't want to go out anywhere.

So we're going to do more celebrating this weekend.

Oh, so it's more than just a one-day celebration.

You get to have a birthday weekend?

Yes.

Well, I used to have a birthday month.

I used to.

And used to is, when you have a child, then that becomes their birthday month, I guess.

Did she blow out your candles for you?

Because that's what my son does for me.

Oh, no, she videotaped me blowing out the candles.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

So that was fun.

And then of course, I ate way too much sugar, so now I'm paying for that too, but it was all right.

So, yeah, it's like fun.

Yeah, it's been a really busy, chaotic week.

So just with all the things going on, I'm overcommitted today.

So that's kind of why I'm like, oh, it's busy, but you had a birthday.

Had an ultrasound, had a mammogram.

Oh, you had a mammogram too.

You're just getting all your lady parts like that.

Oh, yeah.

I was like, I felt like a car, like I was going in for a tune up.

I was doing top and the bottom.

On your birthday?

Well, no, I did.

Yeah.

Wednesday, I did my tests and stuff.

And people kept going, oh, happy birthday.

I'm like, thanks.

Thanks, this is what I'm doing.

Right.

Oh, yeah.

I think that we should definitely talk about what all we have to go through as women.

So backstory on me, I have been having pains, and I thought, you know, it was just weird pains that you get when you're at the age of menopause starting.

So I went to the doctor and she ordered for me to have a trans vaginal ultrasound.

Oh, that sounds fun.

Oh, yeah.

Very fun, right?

So you get all the directions of you have to drink 32 ounces of water because I want your bladder filled, and then they do that ultrasound first, so it's on the outside, right?

To check your bladder.

And then, of course, you get to go pee, which you are so grateful that you get to go pee.

This is after the exam?

Just when they're doing the external part.

Okay.

You have to have your bladder filled.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

But you have to pee really bad because of course, you're sitting there with 32 ounces of water and you can't go to the bathroom before it.

Right.

So I went to the bathroom and then they do the internal part and you're like, oh great, here we are.

This is my life right now.

I don't know if you can say that like it's a walk in the park and this is a wonderful thing, but this girl who did this one, she has been the best one I've ever had.

So I don't know if it was just her technique, what she did, I don't know, but I've had a few in my life, and she was by far the best.

I wasn't in any horrible pain or anything like that, so that was really good.

But that was my highlight of my day yesterday.

No, the day before.

Matthew and I went to the dentist the other night.

Oh, okay.

Why?

Just for a cleaning or something?

A cleaning, and I don't go often enough because, I don't know, I just used to dread the dentist.

And a couple of years ago, I had really sensitive gums and I dreaded going to the dentist.

But since we have a child now, I'm like, I need to get him in so that he gets good habits.

And it was just our time to go.

So we had an appointment together, and I went to a newer dentist.

So we've been going to this one now for a couple of times.

And it's so much better.

So much better.

Yeah, it definitely depends on who you go to.

I'm not a fan of the dentist ever.

I don't like to be messed with in my mouth like that.

I would encourage anyone who has a fear of the dentist to, if you're not happy with your current one, try another one, because this one is just a world of difference.

And yeah, the one we go to now, I really like him.

Yeah.

And Emily loves the dentist.

She loves all that.

I'm like, oh yeah, she loves it.

Doesn't bother her a bit, but she has really good teeth, you know?

So yeah, I was paid a compliment on Tuesday, like you have such great teeth, you take care of them.

I was like, well, then why did I have such a hard time at my other dentists?

They would always find, I'd always have to get cavities filled.

I'd have to scrape the side of my mouth because I don't know.

Maybe it was a them problem and not a you problem.

So I couldn't think them enough.

Well, I start right off when I go into the dentist, which we found this dentist, which I really like them and they know my crazy, but I start right off.

I'm like, okay, I'm a real baby at this.

I don't need somebody to come in there and jackhammer my teeth apart.

But their dental hygienists seem to be good too.

Because that's a big thing.

Because you can be sore for days after that if you're not careful.

But not only that, it's the trauma of sitting through it.

And no matter how, if they give you headphones or you watch the TV, you know, it's just the whole thing.

It's still the whole thing in your mouth next to your brain rattling.

Yeah.

Next to your brain.

That's a good point.

Yeah.

That's, I mean, seriously, that's like right next to your brain.

And this day and age, I'm sorry, but you would think they could come up with stuff that doesn't make any noise.

Because that's a big thing too.

I don't like when they're cleaning your teeth, it goes, that noise.

Yeah.

You do a good impression, by the way.

That was a good impression.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I know, because I've never really liked them the most.

Yeah.

But yeah, I just, and you always have a headache after because they've drilled, or not drilled because it's just teeth cleaning, but.

Well, this was, yeah, very, not so bad.

Oh, well, that's good.

Yeah.

So just, she said, just keep doing what you're doing.

And y'all go to the same dentist?

Yeah, it's, yeah.

So I, I, you don't take him to a pediatric dentist?

No.

Or do they specialize in pediatric?

And she does like the whole family.

So in the front of her office, she's got a kid's playroom.

And I talked to her before when I had just had Matthew and I was switching dentists.

And I was talking to her about like, when's the best time to bring him?

And, you know, should I go to a regular dentist?

And she's like, no, I mean, I can, you know, I'm real gentle with kids.

And she's really good with kids.

We have kids that are like the same age.

So, or the same age, right?

So I thought, well, I'll try it.

But I don't see any reason to bring him to a separate dentist.

It's definitely not as scary as some of the other dentists that I've been to.

So that's what makes me feel comfortable.

I'm telling you, this is a world of difference going to this one versus the one before.

Oh, well, that's good.

I like her dentist that she goes to, and we took her to pediatric dentists because she had that accident right going down the water slide.

And then we knew that, of course, she was probably going to have trauma to those teeth.

So I needed to make sure.

So I took her to the pediatric dentist and then they're good and all.

But I hate the conversation of, do you want fluoride?

Oh, do you get the fluoride?

Oh, no.

Fluoride is toxic.

Yeah.

Well, I did get the fluoride.

Don't judge.

No, don't get it anymore.

I got it throughout the time I was growing up.

So I was like, I felt guilty not getting it.

Oh, for for mafumine.

Yeah.

Well, I got it for myself.

Oh, you don't get it either.

Oh, I did.

Now, when they say fluoride, I'm like, no, even Emily will be like, no, that's toxic.

Thanks.

Yeah.

And then they want to put sealants on your on your kid's teeth.

Well, I've had that before.

So I have sealants on my.

I had that.

Yeah, I had that when I was growing up.

Like I had sealants.

They only last for so long and they have so much stuff in that sealant that, I mean, if you read like the side effects of it, like I'm not putting that in my mouth again.

So they tried to do that with Emily and I was like, no, no thanks.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

And so the other thing, and I don't know how to say this without being judgy.

What?

Judge away.

So I did start going to the dentist more regularly when I moved to Jacksonville.

And that was because, or I should say before I moved to Northeast Florida.

And that's because I noticed that people's teeth up here are not as well taken care of in as in other places that I have lived.

Really?

Yes.

That's funny that you noticed that.

So in teeth are kind of big for me.

That's just so anyway, that's why I got the fluoride.

Because I didn't know if maybe it was something in the water.

Like, is there something here that?

No, they put fluoride in our water here, which they shouldn't do that either.

But yeah, we do completely fluoride free of everything.

Not that it's like near, near, near here.

It's just how do you do it?

Near, near, near here.

No, you did it.

Did I?

Okay.

That's so funny.

You're talking about, you're talking about, it's not backwoods here.

That's what you're saying.

That's correct.

Yeah.

No, it doesn't have anything to do with the fluoride, but I think that, I don't know what, I mean, I don't know who you've seen or not, but see if the teeth is, if teeth is your thing, then you probably look more than like I would, let's say.

Maybe.

Your teeth are fine, by the way.

Oh, thanks.

I appreciate that.

That's funny because I was sitting here thinking, what does she think about my teeth?

Oh my gosh.

But yeah, I'm supposed to get a cleaning soon, but I don't know what day it is.

I dread those days because I know I'll have a headache.

Just because with my dental appointments are rough anyways, because I have fibromyalgia.

And if you think about it, that affects the nerves and then you have all those nerves in your mouth.

So I'm not a good patient to begin with.

Well, if you're ready for a switch.

Oh no, I love our dentists.

I love them.

It's not a dentist.

It's a me problem.

It's not a them problem.

Well, I thought the same thing, but anyway.

Well, at least you're doing dentists stuff.

Yeah.

Sounds like we're all getting parts of our body looked at.

Yeah.

It's because we're older and we need to do that.

Definitely need to get mammograms and definitely.

I didn't want to do the ultrasound situation, but I didn't have a choice because I was like, I needed to know why I was in that kind of pain.

Yeah.

And I do have, they said I did have cysts, but they don't do anything for them.

It's not cysts that have any issues.

They'll dissolve on their own.

But I was just going to say, how are they going to get rid of them?

They don't.

Well, these type of cysts, they don't get rid of.

You know, they just kind of dissolve on their own.

So I think that I'll be okay.

But I guess they can do something about them if they're hurting me, you know?

Yeah.

But I'd prefer not to take medication and stuff if I don't have to.

Right.

I think guys have it so much easier than we do.

I know.

I mean, let's talk about how unfair it is for a minute, that we have to have all these things looked at.

I don't think men could handle what we have to get through.

No, there's no way.

They only have one thing they need to make sure is taken care of.

Right.

Maybe three things.

What are three things?

I mean, there's prostate that they have to look, you know.

Well, okay, yeah, I guess that, but like, you know, their penis.

There, I said it, and I'm going to be like, you know, very textbook, their testicles may need to make sure that they've got all of those things looked at.

But I think it's less intrusive than what we women have to go to.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, because we've got to do pap smears.

And, oh, yeah, I've never heard of a guy having an ultrasound that they got to put something somewhere.

I mean, I could be wrong because I haven't, you know, I'm not a dude.

So, sorry, that is the new word in our household for some dude.

Oh, it's bro here, bro.

Oh, bro.

No, Emily is all about dude.

Dude, really?

Yeah, she was like, I didn't say that, dude.

I'm like, don't call me dude.

Yeah.

Well, then she's like, well, I'll call daddy dude and you sweet hot.

That's how she said it.

Sweet hot?

Sweet hot.

That's what she said in her little accent.

Sweet hot.

But yeah, so I did, I think I was telling you that when I did the mammogram, that the girl that was doing it said they were having their accreditation for the hospital and that she wanted, she had to use people like from that mammogram to send off to the accreditation.

They have to have so many, I guess.

Yeah.

And she said that I was 3% of the population, that they can actually get a picture of my chest wall with the mammogram.

Wow.

She said she wanted to use me because I could be her supermodel and I was like, oh, that's the only way I'm going to be a supermodel.

The boobie supermodel?

Yeah, the boobie supermodel, the mammogram supermodel.

So but then they ended up because I've had two biopsies on one breast before they put clips in there to make sure that they don't retest the same spot if they find something.

Yeah.

So she couldn't use it.

She was very upset.

She was like, I cannot use this because you have clips.

I was like, damn, those clips.

Damn, those biopsies that I had to have.

Right.

That's another thing a female has to have is, okay, they find something in your mammogram, and then you've got to go to the hospital and have a needle biopsy.

Well, that's not even...

Look, when you are trying to get pregnant and going through infertility or even IVF treatments like I have, do you know all the things they have to do to you, which I'm sure you do, because you may have heard of these, but I had a lot of them done, and they are not fun.

And some of them, they don't give you medicine for.

So I'm going to preach.

Which I think is ridiculous.

Yeah.

That's barbaric to me.

They should give you something for some type of procedure.

Well, I had my tubes flushed.

They...

I don't know what they do.

They take saline or whatever it is, and they flush out your whole uterus and your fallopian tubes and whatnot.

I had that done.

That was worse than childbirth.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah.

And there was no medicine for that.

I joke because people ask, well, why do you have to get that done?

And I'm like, well, I have so much cat fur inside my body that they had to clean out my uterus, my fallopian tubes of all the cat fur.

That was probably why I couldn't get pregnant.

That's funny.

Yeah, that's rough.

Yeah, that's a rough.

That's why I'm saying guys have it so much easier.

They have no idea.

None.

Well, and I wonder, could you have asked for them to put you out?

Well, I did.

Is this something that they would put you out for?

Is the procedure so quick?

It's supposed to be so quick and minimally invasive.

And they could have given me a volume, which I probably should have insisted.

But I'm kind of like you, like sometimes I don't like to take medicine if I don't have to.

And the way it was described to me, this procedure and how normal it is and how frequent it is, I didn't think it was going to be that big of a deal.

But it turns out I'm very sensitive with my uterus.

And it's a big deal.

My uterus just was not participating.

And I was like, oh my god, this is so painful.

When is it over?

Yeah.

That's horrible.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It sounds like, I mean, mine was, mine was quick, but I had a uterine biopsy.

And they take these, they're almost like, they look like, what do you call those tweezers?

They look like little tweezer things.

And I'm like, can't you give me something?

They said, by the time we give you something, it's the same feeling.

So you might as well just go ahead and do it.

And get it, I was like, fine.

I just like held on to the little feet stirrup things.

I was about, my toes were like a bat.

I was hanging on.

They need to give me a blindfold and not tell me what they're doing.

Because if I saw tweezers, Melanie, I would be like in those cartoons where the people like, you know, jump out of their clothes.

That's me.

I would have jumped out of my clothes.

If I saw that, I would be like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah.

And they just like rip a piece out of your uterus.

And I was stone cold sober at that point.

So I was like, okay.

And she's like, it's over.

But then you have like cramping after just because they messed with you.

You just don't.

But that's the only thing I think I've had in the past that they didn't put me out for.

Because I even had a, what do you call it?

A liver biopsy.

And they put me out for that.

Yeah.

Because they're going, they take a huge needle thing that has like a open hole in the bottom.

And like they put it through your side, through your ribs, through all that area, and then take a piece out.

But I was asleep.

Okay.

Well.

But that's the only thing I wasn't asleep for was a uterine biopsy.

Let me tell you something.

Because that's what the daughter said.

She was like, think about your uterus as the same material or the same texture of skin or whatever as your eyeball.

And she said that if you take a brush, just the softest brush you can think of and wipe it on your eyeball, that's the same tissue as what your uterus is.

So note to self, whenever you're going in for a uterine procedure, anything having to do with your uterus, I will also add cervix.

Tell them to knock your ass out.

Please give me some medicine because I...

Yeah.

Yeah.

You need to be knocked out.

That's the worst feeling is when they're touching your cervix.

I don't care.

That's the worst feeling as well.

Yeah.

I just feel like that it's so barbaric.

What else?

This day and age, that's what I keep saying.

This day and age with all the technology and stuff we have, there's got to be a better way.

So there is a, I think it's called Pro Nuva.

Have you heard of this?

It's a scan that you can have done to your body to check to see what things might be wrong.

It basically does a scan of your entire body.

Your entire body?

Yeah.

Well, I need that because I can't, I can't find any of the prep stuff to do the colonoscopy because it all has corn in it.

Oh really?

That's interesting.

I've been researching it and I can't find anything that's prep rise that they'll let me use.

So I have to figure out a different way to do a colonoscopy.

Huh.

Yeah.

Tim said, just swallow the pill.

I guess there's a camera thing that they can.

Oh, is there?

I think that, yeah, but that's for like an upper GI.

So like they do have a thing that you can do and swallow and it takes pictures all the way down.

But it's more upper GI and I need lower GI.

But I don't know if they do it for the lower or not.

Oh man.

I need something else because I drink the stuff.

Wow.

I don't even know what to say.

I'm kind of speechless.

What part?

That I can't drink the prep?

They don't have any medicine for you to take to clean you out.

No.

So all the ones that I know that they use for a colonoscopy, I've looked at all the ingredients, and each one has some form of cornstarch in it.

Did you have you talk to them about it?

I'm going to call them just to see what they say.

Because I'm like, can't y'all just give me like a PET scan or something and just do the whole body?

Then I'll just know whatever else I need to take care of.

It'll be like a Jiffy Lube.

Yeah, this is some kind of technology that they can look for aneurysms or check for.

Oh, wow.

So I listened to a podcast, and she had it done, and she was describing what it was like, and then how they review the results with you.

And just the whole thought process of going into it.

I bet you insurance won't cover that.

I don't think it does, no.

No.

But I spent-

But I might pay.

I might pay to do it.

Where do you do it?

I don't know.

I'll get some information because I have-

Yeah, let's get some information because I'll go pay to do it.

Yeah, I have an FSA that I contributed 1800 to this year.

And I have a lot of money left over, so I'm like, Oh my God, I got to think of a procedure to do.

And what is it called again?

Well, this company was Pro Nuva, and I don't know how to spell it.

I'm going to try to Google it.

Oh, I see.

Full body scan.

Yeah, I don't think they're the only ones that do it.

Is it worth it?

Full body scans.

It's a full body.

For preventative care are not recommended.

What is it scanned for?

Probably because of the whole psychological, or they don't want to.

It just says these scans employ MRI technology, which is magnetic fields and radio waves to create digital imagings of the body's internal structure.

Full body scans for preventative care are not recommended by medical professionals or regulatory organizations.

That's probably just because they want you to do something else.

It says, the whole body scan detects solid tumors as early as stage one.

Why wouldn't you do that?

I don't know.

Autoimmune disorders such as MS, metabolic disorders, brain aneurysms, non-cancerous conditions, this is cysts, hematomas, hematomas, I don't even know how you say that one, and abscesses does not include a detailed heart screening.

Spinal degeneration and other problems are detected.

Why wouldn't you do that?

Okay.

How much does it cost?

That's what we want to know.

Holy shit balls.

That's expensive.

How much is it?

It says the cost of a full body CT scan or total body scan, it says it can range anywhere from 10,000 to 25,000.

Whoa.

What?

Wait, that can't be our cost, right?

There's no way.

What do you call it?

Pranuva?

This says it can detect up to 500 things.

One in 20 scans results in life-saving diagnosis.

Okay, right.

Here we go.

Whole body scan, 60 minutes.

It's $2,500.

Sign me up.

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It says our most comprehensive scan that assesses your head, neck, chest, abdomen, pelvis, and legs.

Yes.

Why wouldn't you do that?

I don't know.

It's $2,500.

I would pay for that out of pocket.

Yeah.

Maybe I'll just do that instead of doing a colonoscopy.

I don't want a colonoscopy.

And they do it in St.

Petersburg, Boca Raton, and Miami.

Oh, in Florida.

Okay.

So we could go have a scan done, and then we could go sit by the beach.

We could.

We should go in there, have our scans.

Now, I don't know if I would do it and still not get the colon screenings and all that, because it's taking a picture of you at that one time.

But then how do you know something's not going to develop in the future?

True.

But I've got to figure that out for me because I can't drink the stuff.

I'm not making myself sick like that, which I know sounds really weird because I know they're testing, you know, trying to see if I have colon cancer, that kind of thing.

But I'm like, it makes me way too sick.

Yeah.

Sure.

I'm not the only one on the planet that can't drink the stuff, right?

Right.

I'm sure you're not.

So there's got to be a better way.

I am just saying that the colonoscopy for me was so easy.

It just the hardest part is drinking that stuff.

So if you can find out, you know, what you can do to instead of drinking, then it almost would be worth it.

But I'm worried about aneurysms and that's really what I'm worried about.

Yeah.

My cousin had an aneurysm.

So that's so scary.

And it's not well, I guess I should say it was a blockage and he didn't, you know, die from it, but it's scary.

And he's the same age I am.

He's a little like maybe nine months older, but it's scary because that's the kind of stuff that you don't know.

It just happens and then you're on.

So, or you have like the call it the widow maker.

I think that's what my stepdad had.

He had a blockage in that artery or whatever.

It's called the widow maker.

Oh, yeah.

He had surgery and all that.

But there's tons of stuff out there that, you know, preventative stuff that you can do, which is why I do the mammogram.

You want to detect it before it's something there.

It's pre nuvo, P-R-E-N-U-V-O.

If those of you listening want to take a look.

And it says it's $2,500.

For the whole body.

Yeah.

But they also do head and torso or just the torso.

Yeah.

I could drive to St.

Pete, do that and then have a little beach time.

Yeah.

I wonder if my FSA covers it because I would easily be able to do that with the FSA money.

Well, it's medical.

It's considered medical.

You should be able to use it.

You, it's a limited FSA because I have an HSA.

So it's only for preventative care.

I would say this is preventative.

Yeah, we have an HSA too.

Yeah.

That's what I would use this for.

I have an HSA too, but I don't know what I'm saving it for.

Just a rainy day.

It's got a lot of money in it.

Yeah, ours does too.

And we just keep using it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's how I pay all our medical bills out of that.

Do we have any other medical things we want to talk about this episode?

No, I got a ton of stuff though that I've done.

What do you mean?

I've had tons of stuff.

They removed polyps out of my uterus, and then I had to have a DNC because of that.

I've had two biopsies on my breasts.

I've had a gallbladder removal.

I've had six surgeries on my arm.

I've had three liver biopsies.

So prenuvo would be good for you.

Because it shows the liver?

Well, it does do that also.

Well, the new thing is, is they do fibroscans.

And so you don't have to be put under anymore and have an actual biopsy.

So I had that past years.

I've had that.

Okay, that's good.

And that's nothing.

It's just like somebody thumping you on the side.

Oh, it sends shockwaves through your liver.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

Ask me about a medical procedure.

I can tell you all kinds of stuff except for a colonoscopy.

Yeah.

Yeah, I've had it.

I've had pretty much I've had a HIDA scan.

What's that?

They put nuclear medicine in you and watch how your the nuclear medicine goes through.

Like when I was having gallbladder issues, they watched the lesson go through my gallbladder into my liver.

And it's they put this big record player looking thing on you.

It's very interesting.

That is interesting.

No, most of the things I've had done were during my infertility years as I was trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with me.

Yeah, I think a lot of stuff that they do to you, though, is like you get nervous about it because it's the fear of the unknown.

I think if they would tell you more about how they do stuff and, you know, not just give you the medical name for it, and they actually tell you exactly how the procedure is, I think people wouldn't be so nervous.

Right.

And part of that, I would say, is up to you.

I mean, you need to be your own advocate.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

And write down that procedure name.

What is that?

How long do I need to prepare for it?

How long will I be out for?

Right.

I'm like, and how do they do it?

Like, what is, you know, how invasive is this?

Yeah, because I was not prepared for my C-section.

And let me tell you that if I had known I was going to go through a C-section, I would have researched before.

But some things you can't prepare for, so.

Yeah, but they should at least help you learn about what's going to happen.

I mean, yes, you need to do your own research with everything these days.

But still, I mean, a doctor that does that on a regular basis should be like, okay, here's what could happen or here's what it's going to feel like or whatever.

Yeah.

It's just my thought.

Yeah.

Although when you're being seen by your obstetrician, is that right?

Your OB.

And they have 100 patients a day, and you're given 15 minutes for your exam and then you're bumped along the factory line.

That's how I felt when I was preggo.

Well, that's not good you felt like that either.

I mean, people should feel, they should be able to feel like you can ask all the questions you want.

And that, I don't know.

Yeah.

Well, I probably could have.

I just needed to set up a consultative appointment or get doula or something like help a midwife that helps you through the pregnancies.

That's my adult advice now for those who are I don't know, terrified of childbirth than I had a child.

So, okay.

So in other news, Melanie, there was a lot going on this week besides us going to get our medical procedures.

Did you hear about the eight-year-old who drove herself to Target this week?

Yes.

I mean, I think it's amazing.

You know, I wanted to ask you about it, since we both have kids who are around.

Well, they're not quite eight yet.

Mine is going to be eight and about less than a month.

But this one hit a little close to home because I was like, wait a minute, an eight-year-old drove herself to Target.

She not only drove to Target.

Yeah.

When they found her, she was drinking a Frappuccino.

No way.

I did not hear that.

Yes, they found her and she was in the store, sitting down, drinking a Frappuccino.

She's going places.

The girl is going places.

Let's just be honest.

So she was really copying the adults in her life.

And so obviously mom has driven herself to Target before and gone in and ordered.

She ordered herself a Frappuccino too.

So that's another thing that she did.

Yeah.

So she was in the store at Target by herself drinking a Frappuccino when they found her.

And my thing is, is like they find her and then what?

What does she say to them?

I don't know.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, oh, I just wanted a Frappuccino.

How did she get in the car?

And I don't know anything about their specifics.

Like did she have to back out of the driveway?

Did she have to?

Obviously had to navigate.

It was not even it was she drove 25 minutes, right?

Or was it 25 miles?

25 miles.

And it also said that she, first of all, she's driving an SUV.

Yeah.

And the girl, she said that they that she had a mailbox.

Okay.

So she was found safe, but she did strike a mailbox because the ring camera footage captured by the neighbor's security camera showed the girl getting into the SUV and driving off around 7 a.m.

No one but her got in the car.

Then that's when it says that all of a sudden it shows, the video shows the girl kind of swerving, yeah, constantly switching lanes, all this stuff, and then she hit a mailbox.

Yeah, police noted damage to the vehicle.

How about the fact that she's eight?

And thank goodness she didn't get into more situation like another accident.

I know 25 miles is a lot.

Oh, yeah.

That's like me driving to school every morning.

Yeah.

Wow.

Do you live 25 miles from school?

No, I guess it takes me like 25 minutes to get to school.

Oh, 25 minutes.

Okay.

Yeah.

I'm looking at the news article right now.

And the dash cam that they show, the sun is bright.

She's obviously driving east.

The sun is in her eyes, which is hard enough to drive in in the beginning anyway.

Yeah, it's hard for me to drive in that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're right.

This girl is going places, but I'm a little worried for her parents now.

Well, think about the brains on her.

She is very headstrong.

I've got one of those.

Mine's been wanting to drive to Publix, and her battery operated frozen car since she was three.

Wow.

Yeah.

So Lord have mercy.

Eight driving like that.

I mean, I would like to know the backstory.

Like, what's the backstory now that they've got her?

And I mean, what does she say?

Yeah, I just thought I'd go to Target and shop.

The Bedford Police, I guess this happened in Bedford, Ohio.

They posted somewhere on social media.

This is the post.

Well, I finally found a woman in more of a hurry to shop at Target than my wife.

More of a hurry by eight years.

That's right.

When eight-year-old took mommy's car this morning and drove it to Target in Bainbridge to shop.

Thankfully, she made it and was immediately located by Bainbridge police.

Now she's home safe.

Not sure what she bought or if she was even able to use her Target app to save 5 percent.

We did let her finish her Frappuccino.

We're not mean.

My gosh.

Wow.

The parents, of course, would be liable for her if she were to have had an accident, that kind of thing.

But I don't think they charge her with anything, right?

I mean, they would probably charge the parents.

No, I don't think they did charge.

I'm just looking through the news article right now.

Well, let me just say that.

I don't want to say good for her, but good for her that she's like, it's kind of like she's going to make her own way in life.

Yeah.

She is definitely not taking any bullshit.

And I think if mine had the opportunity, I wouldn't put it past her to drive her, but to target either.

I know.

And that's why I worry about like Matthew.

I think, oh my God, could he get in?

Now in my old car, he definitely could have.

So in the outback, he definitely could have done it.

I'm not so sure about the Explorer because I don't think he can see over the windshields.

Yeah, but you know what, Allison, they are very smart these days.

And I'm not kidding you, he probably could get in there and change the seat and all of that.

Oh, I'm sure he could.

Yeah, he amazes me with the things that he can do just with an iPad or my phone.

Right.

Yes.

Yeah.

Because they're in that, I mean, that's their era is like all technology stuff.

That's their world, right?

Yeah.

But also speaking about holding parents accountable, have you seen the, unfortunately, there was a shooting a few weeks ago in Georgia where the kid killed some people, four people, and the Florida sheriff.

So there was a kid coming off of that, this kid that in Georgia, I think he was, what, 11?

Or was he, I'm not sure how old he was, but his dad got charged with the shooting.

Now, in Florida, in one of the counties, there was a school threat.

So this kid had called in and said he was going to do some damage to the school.

And the sheriff was like, uh-uh.

So he arrested him and put his mug shot up and charged the parents.

Did you hear about this?

No.

Is that the Polk County Sheriff?

Yes, the Polk County Sheriff.

I love him.

Let me just say, I absolutely love him.

We need more sheriffs like him.

Yes.

He was like, if you are not going to raise your children, I will, I'll do it.

I don't know if he said, I'll do it for you, but he plastered his picture up.

He looks like a baby, this kid.

Yeah.

Not only that, but he said, I'll herp walk them.

You know what that means, right?

Herp walk is he'll march them right out in front of all of his peers in school, not like take them out the back door and quietly arrest him, but herp walk him.

Yeah, because he doesn't play.

That's share does not play, because when all that stuff was going on with riots and things, he literally was all about, he said, he showed pictures and his comment was on the video.

He said, if people need pictures to understand what I'm saying, here they are.

This is a riot.

This is a peaceful protest.

I love him.

I absolutely love him.

Grady Judd.

Yeah, I was just going to say his name is Grady Judd.

Oh, yeah.

I'm a fan of his.

And he is, yeah, Lakeland, Florida.

He doesn't play.

Yeah, no, does not play.

No way he does not.

And I love everything he says.

And I know it's not supposed to be funny of things that he actually does say.

But when he gets on a video and he's like ranting and raving and telling people how it's going to be.

He is so funny because he said, you know what?

You want to play?

Yeah.

He said, I will put you dead.

Under the ground dead.

Yeah, boy.

Let's see.

He posted on Facebook.

There is a, he has a Facebook page or I guess the Polk County Sheriff's Office and then it has in parentheses Sheriff Grady Judd.

welcome to the official Polk, Florida Polk County Sheriff's Office Facebook page.

And he posted 12 minutes ago.

Come on, man.

What were you thinking?

This guy stole tires from the tire shop where he works dot dot dot.

Then goes to that said tire shop and asks to use their equipment to install them on his truck.

Face palm.

He must see some crazy stuff.

Oh yeah.

And he does.

He has some of the funniest quotes about things.

Yeah, I'm a fan of his.

He's getting a follow from me, so I'm going to log in to my Polk County.

Be driving through Polk County today.

This is so funny because I love his quotes.

One quote is, they don't know beans from buttermilk about what's happening in this community.

It says, this guy may be like the dumbest person on the face of the earth.

I mean, I'm just guessing.

Yeah, he's so funny.

This account is very active.

Oh, I'm sure.

It has theft of starbees at racetrack crime scene.

I don't know what's starbees.

Starbucks?

No, it's not the crime of the century, but when someone walks into a racetrack and thinks it's okay to just take a Starbucks paradise drink out of the refrigerator and pour it into a big cup of ice, then hide the empty starbees bottle on the shelf before sauntering back to the car with her little dog in tow.

Well, we want to know who she is.

She just picked up a charge of retail theft.

I know, he is so funny.

Oh, you gotta give it a follow.

So listen.

I'll have to get a look, yeah.

Yeah, it's worth it.

I call him like a good old boy, you know?

Like he's just a good human and good old boy, nice to everybody, but then if you mess with his...

Oh, yeah.

You mess with his county?

Whole county is one of the prettiest counties in Florida, I might add.

I'm sure.

Yeah.

And he probably doesn't have a lot of problems there.

His one-liners just crack me up.

I'm going to be looking for him today.

I'm driving through there.

Oh, that's right.

You should go back there and be like, can I have your autograph?

The other ones that are funny are on Instagram, there are people who draw cartoons, and it's the real live audio from police stations or police officers that pull people over.

And then they draw cartoons using their words.

Hilarious stuff.

I do not know what it's called.

I'll have to find it.

We should do a whole podcast on craziest things that police officers had to stop people for.

And that would be so fun.

That would be funny.

Let's do that.

I don't have any background in police work.

However, I know someone who does.

You do.

So do I.

I was just going to say you, don't you?

Didn't you go on a ride along?

Oh, yeah, that was so fun.

I want to do that again, but she doesn't do.

Oh, she doesn't do that on the beat anymore.

No, she's in internal affairs now.

She was a homicide detective and now she's.

Wow.

Anything else that you'd like to add for this week?

I think we've gone around the world in 80 days.

We have in medical, not 80 minutes, but yeah.

But I do love the little girl that has the gumption to get in the car and drive to Target and have a frappuccino.

I know.

I wonder if she's going to be on the Today Show or was she already?

They probably don't want to glorify her doing that.

I don't know.

I know.

I have to be real careful with the news around Matthew because I don't want him to see that because then that'll put a little idea in him.

All right.

Well, this has been another episode of Midlife Moms Pod.

Thanks for joining us.

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All right.

See ya.