Unplugged: Parenting in a Digital World

This week Melanie and Allison discuss the impact of screen time on kids. We're talking all kinds of screen time - ipads, tablets, computers, TV - you name it! Allison shares her personal experiences with social media, including seeing some bizarre online content and social media trends that tend to be time-sucking and distracting. We share some strategies we use for managing our children's screen time, including limiting iPad use and promoting non-screen activities. 

In the end, it's all about maintaining a balanced lifestyle amidst the competition we moms face with screen time.

00:42 Discussing Screen Time and Its Effects
02:19 Social Media Convo Begins
06:02 Managing Kids' Screen Time
10:03 Screen Time Rules and Recommendations
13:28 Bizarre Online Content
18:50 Finding Good Content
20:38 Going Through Social Media Detox
23:23 College Fashion Trends

Find Midlife Moms Pod on Apple Podcasts or wherever you find your podcasts. You can also find us Buzzsprout where we have a full listing of all our episodes, Instagram (@midlifemomspod), and Facebook. Listen, like, and subscribe! We hope you enjoy the show!

Transcript

Welcome to another episode of Midlife Moms Pod.

I'm Allison.

And I'm Melanie.

Hi.

Hi, what's going on?

Oh, you know, not much.

Would you rather be napping?

I would rather be napping.

Me too.

Yes, it's been a busy day, so I, I don't know, I just need my batteries recharged.

Yeah, me too.

Drink some water, that's what I'm doing.

Yeah, I have my Yeti here, so.

It's actually just noticed that it's almost out of water, but hey.

You should have refilled.

I should have.

We can always do that later.

Not prepared.

So on this episode, we wanted to talk about what screen time and how that affects our kiddos.

Whether that be TV, computer, iPad.

All of it.

Tablet.

Well, and I think I brought this up because I noticed that lately, and I probably am way too guilty of this, so I'm going to be the first to admit that I use my phone a lot.

And I noticed on just my phone lately, my normal media channels, which are Facebook and Instagram, mostly.

I'm not a TikTok person.

But the algorithms or the what's been popping up lately is just insane.

And then it just got me thinking like, how much time do I really spend on this device?

And what rabbit hole you're going down?

Yeah, what rabbit hole?

And then I went, yeah.

So like, I was just thinking, I thought, you know what?

I bet I'm not the only one that this is happening to.

Yeah.

I mean, I get on my phone too.

And like last night, I was on it so long that my eyes started getting blurry.

So when I would like look up, I'm like, oh, I need to get off of this right now.

Yeah.

It was just too much.

But I saw some crazy stuff.

What did you see?

So I'm a big comment reader.

I love to go in and read the comments about people's stuff.

Who doesn't?

And so there's this guy, and he's on there constantly talking about him and his daughters are looking for stepmom.

And all these people commenting, I love to read his comments because people either really hate him or really like him.

So let me ask you this.

He's single.

He's got how many kids does he have?

Apparently, he has two daughters.

And he's on the interwebs saying for a stepmother for them.

Yes.

Okay.

Interesting.

Which is, I get it.

I mean, people have to find their mate somehow, whatever.

But in with social media these days, I just find it funny because people will be like, why are you on here?

Or stop doing this.

They, I guess, are following him or something.

And some people will be like, we've told you about this before now.

We told you to stop asking.

And at one point, somebody said, well, how old are your kids?

Some lady commented, right?

Right.

And another lady said, it doesn't matter how old his kids are.

Get off this app, Janice.

And I don't know why I find that so funny, but it's like now they're having a full-on conversation, like all these people together on his profile.

Yeah.

Or on the video that he posted.

I'm like, it's crazy.

Like, I would never get on there and do that.

I would never do that.

Is it Facebook or is it Instagram?

Instagram.

So it's like Instagram gone wild.

Yeah, I am, you know, and so that's like one angle, right?

Where he's trying to look for a step mom.

There's a dating app, right?

So there's other people that post things about maybe there.

So one person I found was posting pictures about their deceased husband, and they were posting about how life goes on, and like the kids, and she's basically journaling her grief on Instagram.

And then you read the comments, and it's just like that.

It's like people are either, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, you're going through this, or other people are like, go get a therapist.

Don't put your stuff all over social media.

On one angle, though, do you think that that person is trying to like help other people?

Like, A, I'm going through this, too, and like, you're not the only one.

Yes, I do.

So I spent, you know, I spent quite a bit of time reading through her profile because I was like trying to figure out, you know, he died a few years ago, and she keeps posting.

But she also posts her thoughts and what it was like to go through this journey with him.

He was an alcoholic, and she's spreading awareness to other families that either don't know they live with an alcoholic or do live with an alcoholic and are having problems.

So her intent, I think, is good.

But just people out there, people be crazy.

Oh, right.

And people will rip you to shreds.

Yeah.

So it ranges all over the place.

So, I mean, we're kind of talking about two different things here, right?

So I realized that we were talking about screen time at first, but then we've got our own screen time problems.

The craziness just of what's out there on the Internet these days, and what is sucking our time in.

And it came to my mind because my son went back to school.

And I'll admit, over the summer, I'd allow him to watch some iPad time, and which was like he's on the kids YouTube.

And I've got the channels lined up for him, and I scroll that and also have timers on his iPad so that he's not on it all the time.

But we're having serious withdrawals going back to school.

And that's where I was like, oh my gosh.

And then I started to, as I'm thinking about how detrimental it is to my mental health or even his mental health.

I was like, what the hell am I watching?

What is this?

Well, right.

And see, our brain in a sense, isn't growing like theirs anymore.

Like they're still, you know, their frontal lobe is still growing.

Right.

So if we scroll on there, yes, it's detrimental to us and, you know, we have our own issues.

But for the kids, I think that's very bad for them to sit and watch it.

But Emily doesn't watch an iPad anymore in the car, because I read that in the mornings, you shouldn't let them do anything related to a screen as they're driving to school.

Right.

Because, of course, you watch an iPad or a TV, their brain is just on overdrive, and then they're supposed to go and sit in a classroom and try to learn.

Right.

But we had cut the iPad out a while ago.

Yeah.

Just because I was noticing that it was like a need versus a want.

And when it was like a had to have situation, I was like, yeah, we're not doing this.

Yeah.

We're not going to have to have something to go ride in the car.

I mean, I literally, what did I do in the car?

I mean, we didn't have iPads.

So I looked out the window and we played games and trivia and stuff like that.

Yeah.

So even many years ago, before I had a child, I would always see these minivans or big SUVs with the LED screens in the back.

And I'd be like, I mean, I did think to myself, I'm not going to let my kid do that because there has to be some time where you can't be on the screen.

Right.

And as a rule, we do not have iPads in the car.

I always tell him it doesn't work.

I don't pay for a cellular plan and I don't have it enabled on his iPad.

So I tell him it doesn't work in the car.

So he doesn't understand that you can do a hotspot?

No, he does not know that.

Well, mine does.

So she would be like, okay, turn my iPad on.

Oh, I always tell him, I'm like my parents now, right?

Where I tell him, you know, when I was a kid, I used to have to look out the window.

Yeah.

And we used to go on these big road trips and I had no iPad.

I would read a magazine or I'd bring a book or something.

Right.

A book, you got a blanket and your pillow in the back.

Yeah.

So that's what I was trying to tell him.

Right.

Our iPad was looking out the window.

Exactly.

And learning new stuff or like doing the ABC game or the license tag game, whatever that was, right?

Punch buggy.

Right?

Yeah.

So you had all those different things.

But now with the iPad situation, which we don't care if she has it, like if we are going on a road trip, like if we drive to Orlando, I will let her have it in the car.

But she also has to bring a book.

Okay.

Yeah.

So she's reading and then she can watch her iPad for the last hour or something, which I still think is too much.

But if we're on a trip, that's right.

That's hard to.

Yeah.

It's hard to enforce.

Then you have to be conscious of the fact how often you are on the screen.

Right.

Exactly.

Yeah.

And that's hard too.

Or sometimes at night when we're winding down for bed, that kind of thing, we have a couple of different people that we follow, but it is like art related.

So we learn how to do a new art project or we watch, is it cake or is it real?

And there's like people that are making fruit or like this one lady said, her whole house is a cake.

So like her clock was a cake one night.

The Nintendo was a cake, just different things like that.

Really?

So we do things like that, but it's 15 minutes and then we're done.

We look at animals.

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

Love it.

We look at dogs.

Yeah.

We look at golden retrievers or cats, main coons.

So when Emily was younger, I read something about Cocoa Melon versus Bluey, let's say.

Right.

Cocoa Melon's frames are like every two to three seconds.

And then Bluey would be like five to six seconds.

So they said that children that watch Cocoa Melon, it's a fast paced show and that you shouldn't let your kid watch a show that switches frames that quick.

Interesting.

Yeah.

It over stimulates your kid.

And I think it also has something to do with the dopamine in their brain.

It can cause it to be overly over functioning or something.

And that's like where they learn, you know?

Yeah.

In the frontal lobe, I guess, is where all the dopamine is.

So they say the rule of thumb is to count the number of seconds between scene changes.

And if it's under four seconds, it's over stimulating and you shouldn't let them watch it.

So probably watching YouTube is not good because you can just flip it anytime you want, right?

It's like scrolling.

Well, yeah.

But I mean, I doubt that he's flipping every four seconds.

You know what I'm saying?

It has to do with the show.

So like if you're looking at this one picture on the show, if you go one, two, three, and it changes and then you do again, one, two, three changes, that's too fast.

So Blue EF, when I counted it was like six seconds.

They just say you shouldn't let a child watch frames that flip that quick.

Okay.

Well, that's a good rule of them.

Yeah.

And I didn't know anything about that until I was like, and let me just say, I know Coco Melon, all these kids love this, but they love it because the frames change so fast.

So it's kind of like they suck you in with that for little kids.

I mean, the music and all is fine, but if you're listening to or watching the frame part, that's the part that I think is so detrimental to their brain.

We'll have to be on the lookout now for that.

Yeah.

So that's the rule of thumb is to count the frames.

But I think YouTube, I think, because Emily got really involved in watching this guy build Legos.

Yeah.

And I think his name was TD Bricks.

Okay.

She was fascinated to watch him.

So I counted that and it was fine for her to watch that because it was actually him building stuff.

And it did have some frames that moved kind of fast, but nothing like the other ones that go so fast.

Right.

You can even look like the average frame rate for a cartoon.

The standard animated video is like 24 frames per second.

Yeah.

That's much better.

Yeah.

And I don't know if our cartoons back in the day were different than the ones now because of so much more high quality animation that they have.

It's totally a different process too because they didn't have computerized animation.

It was done through a different method.

And now...

Yeah.

It's just a whole different world.

Yeah.

Well, I think all the advertisers of both platforms like YouTube and Instagram and Facebook, I just think that they're out of control.

Some of the different algorithms I've had lately are these time wasters just building stuff or the content, I mean, is just out of control.

So one of them I was watching and I was like, what between either making things out of epoxy and putting a bunch of colored pencils in epoxy and then sanding it down and making a tree stump or whatever?

I don't know.

That was one of them where they made a pencil holder or something out of this.

I think I saw that.

Yeah.

I was like, what?

That is the ugliest thing ever.

The other one was making a Mercedes-Benz logo helmet, and it had all these little teeny tiny Mercedes-Benz logos all welded together.

And then they made them into the shape of a helmet and somebody wore it.

And I was like, what that?

What am I watching?

Yeah.

And then have you seen the food ones where they just pile in garbage?

Like, she piled in one.

I watched was that she had a bunch of store-bought pasta and she put it in a ninja, like one of those ninja blenders.

Yeah.

So she, like, pulverized it to nothing, like liquid.

Yeah, but then added something to it.

Oh, eggs.

So she mixed it with eggs.

And then she put it in the noodle shape.

What do they call that?

Pasta maker or, right?

And then she boiled it.

So she's just making a different shape of the pasta.

I guess so, but she added egg to it so that it would bind.

And I was like, okay, I don't get it.

So a lot of people were upset with this one.

They were like, why doesn't she just make the pasta out of the ingredients that you're supposed to make it out of, instead of buying store-bought pasta, grinding it up and adding egg, and then boiling it.

Yeah, that's not even a...

I don't even know what to say about that.

I know.

Like, I'm shocked.

The other ones are, you watch this, and they're like, oh, this is so delicious.

And they're putting in, like, putting at the bottom, and then they put a layer of chocolate chip cookie dough from Nestle Toll House.

Yeah.

And then they mix brownies, and they put a brownie batter over that, and then they add another layer of Toll House cookies.

So, I watched one of them.

I was like, okay, wait a minute.

You are eating, like, 600, not even 600 calories.

You're eating 6,000 calories in just one bite of what you're making, because all of those things are super bad for you.

Yeah, right.

Just throwing in a 13 by 13 pan.

I was going to say, there is a recipe.

They're called slut brownies, and they make...

It is that.

You do Oreos, chocolate chip cookies, and brownies all together.

Okay.

So, then do you make multiple layers of them?

Well, I mean, you just lay them out.

Like, you would do the cookie dough, then the Oreos, and then the brownie batter over it.

So, it makes, like, a...

Right.

But then she would pile on another layer of cookie dough, another layer of brownies, another layer of Oreos.

So, right now, you have six layers all together.

Yeah, that's ridiculous.

I'm like, oh, my God, that looks so disgusting.

Or with Doritos, and...

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm not a big foodie.

Like, I don't want to watch people, like...

I don't know.

I do like sometimes to look at stuff that you can make with like your air fryer or something like that.

But yeah, it's kind of getting ridiculous.

These are insane recipes that nobody would ever do.

But they con you into watching them, and then after three minutes, you're like coming out of your coma, and you're like...

What the heck?

Yeah.

I wonder if they're just doing it for like, oh, let's see how crazy we can do it.

Let people watch it.

Somebody will follow them.

I am sure of it.

I'm sure.

But this is the stuff that I waste my time on.

So I'm going to start being better about that.

Maybe September is going to be a new month for me.

Are you going to go, what is it called?

Screen time free?

Yeah.

No, because it's important for our podcast that we stay on social media.

I know.

So it's for the business.

But I will now be more cognizant of falling asleep.

It's not really falling asleep.

It's just zoning out.

Well, I was going to say, speaking of watching reels and stuff, did you see the reel that I sent you with the blow up?

People dancing in the cows?

Yes, I did.

I'm like, we could totally do that.

Oh, we could.

Well, we'll have to save that for Halloween when we dress up as our inflatables.

I know.

I saw a video with the one that I want, that pink unicorn.

That's totally me.

No, I'm going to be the shark.

OK, let's do it.

Maybe I'll order it this week.

I mean, because, you know, it is September 7th and the Halloween stuff is out in the store.

I know.

I went to Fresh Market today and they have pumpkins out.

Yeah, I already have pumpkin decorations in my house.

We're not allowed to decorate our outside of our house for Halloween till October 1st.

Oh, in your HOA, we don't have an HOA, so.

Yeah, well, that's a whole nether podcast.

I don't have any outside decorations, but I went to Home Goods last weekend and did buy a pack of these pumpkins.

And Matthew put them out for me because he's excited about Halloween.

So yeah, we are too.

I was going to say, speaking of social media, there are some girls on there that decorate their front porches and stuff.

And some girl, I don't even remember her name.

She makes these big arch pumpkins.

Oh, but now I've noticed they're selling them at Home Depot like that.

They took her idea, I think.

Oh, they came up with that.

Yeah, because it was really cute.

But her husband was up there with PVC pipe and wow.

She would take the plastic pumpkins and decorate.

Yeah, I love all that.

That's the other thing I watch on social media is decorating.

Yeah.

Or house renovations.

Yeah.

Go down the rabbit hole.

Go down that rabbit hole.

Go down the rabbit hole.

Well, I was gonna say, speaking of the kids in screen time, I did find a new podcast.

I'll shout out to Trivia for Kids.

That is so entertaining for kids.

Really?

Yeah, so you should have Matthew listen to it.

He would probably really like it.

She does all kinds of stuff, bugs.

We just got out of the car and she was going into hamburger questions.

Like, what is the fast food restaurant that sells the Big Mac?

You know, like different things like that.

They were-

That kind of Trivia?

Yeah, it's like Trivia type stuff.

So I really like her podcast for, of course, Kids.

And it seems like it would be good for older kids because her six, I think her daughter's in sixth grade, one of her daughters is in sixth grade.

Yeah.

And they sit there and answer the questions with her and stuff.

So it's really good.

But anyways, that's either here or there.

I was just going to say that that gets rid of some screen time during the car rides.

Yes, you're right.

Yeah.

So sometimes I don't even have music on in the car either.

We just sit there in silence and I make him talk to me.

Well, that's good.

Yeah.

Or other times I'll put songs on and he has no ideas.

I do not listen to today's music.

I just don't.

I listen to 80s, 90s.

I've got classic rock on my stations and I'll put random songs on.

Oh, Yacht Rock.

I've never heard of that.

Have you ever listened to Yacht Rock?

Oh, shout out to Yacht Rock Radio.

They play easy listening from the 70s and 80s.

And yes, these songs just take me back and they're real relaxing.

And I listen to that station all the time.

So Matthew's probably just used to it by now.

He doesn't ever put up a fight when I have these songs on.

Yeah, I never heard of Yacht Rock.

Oh, it's like being on a yacht.

Oh, Yacht Rock.

No, I've never heard of that, but you're talking about on it.

Okay.

Yeah.

Well, look at that.

I love to be like in a tropical situation.

Yeah, that would be amazing.

I mean, I discovered Yacht Rock 10 years ago, and it's really all I listen to.

Shout out, shout out Yacht Rock.

Maybe I'll start DJing for them.

It can be your side gig.

My side gig.

I know.

That's so funny.

Well, I just think that this world, I want the world to go back the way it was when I was a kid.

Child.

Yes.

And forget all the social media.

I mean, it's good in some aspects.

I really do believe that it helps people.

And like that lady that's talking about her husband who passed away, she might have some really good people that are.

Right.

She's got a lot of followers.

Yeah.

And I think, you know, things like that are good.

What the other trend I'm seeing right now on Instagram, and you know, school just started, so these rush videos from college, like sorority rush videos.

And this one person I follow, she looks at the outfits that these sorority girls post, and then she tallies up how much that outfit cost.

Oh.

Somewhere in the thousands of dollars, $6,000.

One was $22,000.

Now, granted, there are services now that you can rent the runway and you can get fashion designer clothes, but it was a different time or a different era, I guess, when I was in school, because I do not remember trying to wear the most expensive clothes to rush.

We dressed in cute outfits, but-

Not spending thousands of dollars?

No, I wouldn't make it.

I wouldn't make it.

I mean-

Oh, yeah, no.

There's no way.

So I don't know how real life this is, and I am an adult.

I have the forethought to know this is not real life, right?

Right.

But I feel bad for these kids because they're going through it and they're looking at it, and no wonder why some people have mental issues, can't handle it, because maybe they can't decipher that it-

that's not how everybody is.

Yeah, that's hard, because I feel like if you spend all that kind of money, and then there's other people looking at you like, okay, well, I can't really afford to go out and do that.

Right.

Then you've got a whole other issue going on.

Sometimes it's even mental issue of, okay, well, I'm not good enough or I'm not-

Yeah, that's hard.

It's like, so I'm just thankful that I didn't grow up in this era.

I feel bad for my child because by the time he, you know, he's got another 10 years before he turned 17.

So I don't know how much more technology is going to develop in the next 10 years.

I don't know.

But it is sad, sad.

I mean, I always dressed nice, but I didn't spend like tons of money.

No.

And people don't need to have that pressure on them, especially in college like that.

I mean, some of those people are having to work and go to school.

Right.

Yeah, that's rough.

So anyway, yeah, just thinking of things I've seen recently, and that's what kind of got me into this whole thing about, we're spending way too much time on our screens.

Oh, absolutely.

I agree with that too.

I mean me more than Emily now because she doesn't even watch her iPad anymore.

Right.

Well, that's good.

That's good.

So anyway.

I have to detox Matthew.

Yes.

You know, I'm working on it.

He-

It does take time though.

Yeah.

And he's been much better.

I mean, as we're in our, are we starting our third week of school?

Are we?

I don't know.

But he's, yeah, he's much better this weekend.

He has not been on the iPad at all today.

So-

Oh, that's good.

I've kept him very busy.

Yeah.

Well, Andy's outside playing with his friends.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's hard.

And it's hard to be in an only.

I know.

Because they don't have siblings to keep them.

I just think that it's a good idea to keep them off of it.

And our brains are already fried, you know?

Right.

So that's all we have time for this week on Midlife Moms Pod.

Thanks for joining us.

Yep.

And we'll see you next time.

Yeah.

See you next week.

All right.

Okay.

Later.

Bye.